The waiting place...

Excerpt from "Oh, the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss:

"I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place..."

--
Amazing things have happened to me since I last blogged, despite being in the middle of nowhere in my mind. I have been in a slump. When I read "Oh, the Places You'll Go" to a class on Dr. Seuss' birthday (March 2), I almost cried. It made me grateful for progress and the potential for progress, and hopeful that I'm still able to go places.

I have been substitute teaching more at a school that I really like. The students, from Kindergarten to 5th-grade, will give me hugs - even if I've had to put them in a time out. I have gotten my groove in the classroom. I have explored the alternative school setting, and the middle school setting. I still tend to lean toward elementary school even though you really can't catch a break as a real teacher. If you have to pee, you might as well forget going when you feel like it! The teachers are all saying I need to hurry up and get certified. I'm still not 100% positive that I want my own classroom, however. That is my real hangup. Having seen how things work from the inside out and the outside in, I'm just not overly thrilled about being a public school teacher. But maybe that will come, as people say I am a natural at it. (People said the same thing about reporting, too.)

My master's in psychology is still in process. I'm almost to the halfway point. I start class number 6 of 13 at the end of this month. I'm just so excited.

My love with my one true love has been back on this rollercoaster in a sense. We both have a lot to deal with separately, more than I'm willing to blog about. At times we have let those things be toxins to what should be a pure love. That is not to say there won't be problems in this relationship. It's just that those issues shouldn't be so great, or seem so great, at times. As we understand one another better and in a more mature light, the love is getting where it should be again. We've known each other since the summer of 2004, and dated on and off. What's funny is that this is probably the longest, most serious stretch of dating that we've been in. It's going to result in a baby. That is probably the most amazing part of this whole quitting my job and moving home thing.

The baby is scheduled for arrival mid-November. I found out last week Sunday (March 14). I had been having pain in my right pelvic area for a few days prior. I figured it was PMS related cramps and then my period would come. Well, by Sunday the pain had gotten worse so I went ahead and took my insurance-less self to ER knowing that I've had a history of pelvic issues. That's when the doctor revealed the news. But it was scary because of the pain and they thought I needed to be monitored for ectopic pregnancy complications. That day, they did not see the gestational sac in my uterus or my fallopian tubes, and my HCG levels were low signifying a very early pregnancy. I went back to the doctor for bloodwork on Tuesday, and then went to the OBGYN on Wednesday. That's when Dr. Allen confirmed that my baby was growing and another ultrasound was performed and I was given an actual due date to look forward to. :-) Today I don't have a real "plan," and I was feeling bad about not having a plan. But then I thought about how I already felt bad because I didn't have a plan for myself anyway! That leads me to the next thing...

I'm spending the next few days dedicated to myself and to my self improvement. I feel like I have changed and grown but haven't fully caught up with myself where I've grown to. My life and myself are out of sync. That will change. I will be out of this slump. I will figure out the best career for me, the best spiritual home for me, the best physical home for me...and now my baby. Oh, the places I will go!